Was looking through photos and felt like posting some.
I don't know when it happened, but 2010 did a lot of good for me, and for the little human nest of xis and yangs. I think I owe it partly to my employment at possums'. Amidst the chaos of nappies and tantrums, my subconscious must've finally received that soft slap you need now and again, and realised the lack of time we actually have, that the first few years are so precious. The more time that goes fluttering by, the further we seem to drift, as though time and distance share a hip bone and can't be disconnected. I felt like I had already lost so much. Like watching your possessions become puffs of smoke, and you're exasperated, without control, grasping at nothingness and for once, effort had no area for application here, it was all disappearing. I had been too dazzled by the maze of finding pieces of myself to realise the conveyor belt carrying those temporary moments had zoomed past. In my moment of realisation, in my haste, I suddenly began to grab all the luggage, I flung it all into twenty three trolleys, tied them together and pushed them home. My mother was shocked but subtly pleased. I learnt to embrace and understand the lady in her bright pink G star hoodie, I learnt to have conversations with the man who I inherited my baby loving genes from, and I learnt to be kinder to my sibling, because it can't be taken for granted that forgiveness will always be there. It's strange to attach a conscious effort to family, it's strange to think that one day I must detach myself in a way that signifies it's my turn. So, so strange. People hang these words on their mouths like tags on a collar, they say we should appreciate this and make the most of that, to be generous and forgiving, to be there for eachother..so on so forth, but who actually does anything?! Have you really tried? I didn't until we found a way to apologise to eachother, and we never let little things get past, instead we'd argue and we'd get upset and we'd apologise and we'd forgive, and we'd function and move forward. We released what needed to be released. We swapped our confusion for an empty window; we let all the horrible things fall into the hole and we kept the smiles. I don't think enough people try hard enough when it comes to family, perhaps cause we're still a tad delusional and glued in our teenage years of rebellion and the mentality that there's always more time, but we're throwing whole calendars away and we need to realise. We need to start saying 'sorry' and having meals together and just spending those extra minutes together because before you know it, life will pick you up and toss you all over the world. We'll find priorities that haven't sprouted yet and all this will become that fuzzy creature that coughs now and again to call your attention. I refuse the bitter aftertaste of regret.
