What are the chances of you guarding your house like the weeds in your front yard (PERSISTENTLY AND UNSTOPPABLE), stretching your ears open and shushing at everyone, squatting in the lounge room and mwahahaha-ing to yourself only to wait for the arrival of your new F.R.I.E.N.D.S BOX SET?! In the times you're absent, you rely on your lazy parent to be loyal to laziness and reside in her space of comfort - the sofa. She doesn't ever leave but today she does, we don't know where, the no. of missed calls are just about identical to her phone number but the situation is saved, fahzah is home today. I am on a bus (as per always) and my body is nodding to sleep and my head hurts from knocking the window sill (or whatever it's called) of the bus, but my brain is still talking to me, it won't shut up.
'WHEN WILL IT ARRIVE? HOW WILL YOU ENSURE SOMEONE IS HOME? WHAT IF YOU MISS IT BY 1 MINUTE BECAUSE LIFE THINKS PRACTICAL JOKES ARE HILARIOUS? WHAT IF THE POSTMAN STEALS IT? WHAT IF YOU FALL ASLEEP AND NEVER GET HOME? YOU MUST TIME EVERYTHING PERFECT SO THE AMOUNT OF TIME THE HOUSE IS HELD ABSENT IS LOWERED TO AN ABSOLUTE MINIMUM.
So I continue bumping my head, my bus driver is a glorious maniac and speed limits are invisible. We're arriving soon. I time my call so fahzah arrives at the perfect time to pick me up from ze bus stop. Things are perfect, timing is good. I arrive at my home, the world is nice today. There is a wedge of paper stuck in the gate. OH DON'T YOU DARE. Oh shittake, you dared. Piece of paper tells me to pick up the best thing ever TOMORROW. It arrived within the only 5 minutes someone was absent from the house. World crumples/so dramatic/pain and BLERDUH (youtube vid of that kid, remember?!yes?!). FAHZAH you're ALWAYS LATE, why were you on time today?! NEVER DO THAT AGAIN, ohmygodzilla. Screw internet shopping and paying my liver's worth in shipping fees and still having to go through all this trauma and complication and inconvenience and I JUST WANT F.R.I.E.N.D.S, OKAY?!?!?!?!?! (Read that whatever way you like, it all works).
'WHEN WILL IT ARRIVE? HOW WILL YOU ENSURE SOMEONE IS HOME? WHAT IF YOU MISS IT BY 1 MINUTE BECAUSE LIFE THINKS PRACTICAL JOKES ARE HILARIOUS? WHAT IF THE POSTMAN STEALS IT? WHAT IF YOU FALL ASLEEP AND NEVER GET HOME? YOU MUST TIME EVERYTHING PERFECT SO THE AMOUNT OF TIME THE HOUSE IS HELD ABSENT IS LOWERED TO AN ABSOLUTE MINIMUM.
So I continue bumping my head, my bus driver is a glorious maniac and speed limits are invisible. We're arriving soon. I time my call so fahzah arrives at the perfect time to pick me up from ze bus stop. Things are perfect, timing is good. I arrive at my home, the world is nice today. There is a wedge of paper stuck in the gate. OH DON'T YOU DARE. Oh shittake, you dared. Piece of paper tells me to pick up the best thing ever TOMORROW. It arrived within the only 5 minutes someone was absent from the house. World crumples/so dramatic/pain and BLERDUH (youtube vid of that kid, remember?!yes?!). FAHZAH you're ALWAYS LATE, why were you on time today?! NEVER DO THAT AGAIN, ohmygodzilla. Screw internet shopping and paying my liver's worth in shipping fees and still having to go through all this trauma and complication and inconvenience and I JUST WANT F.R.I.E.N.D.S, OKAY?!?!?!?!?! (Read that whatever way you like, it all works).
BADbye. I'm going to sulk somewhere with a rainy cloud over my head.
YOU GOT ITTTTTTTTT! YESSSSSSS!
ReplyDeleteDo you want to order a Phoebe Buffay tank top too??