I want to sleep naked, feel bare.
the worse thing I've ever done was when I was on the bus with my friend sitting in front of me, and she had a little bear plush, and I wanted it, so when she tossed it up, I caught it and hid it with me. but it smelt of her and my guilt, so on my walk home I threw it away. that reminds me of today when in the city of San Cristobal, a child tugged at my bag strap and shook necklaces hung from his arm. he spoke Spanish. i didn't, but we didn't need a language. beads clattered like bones collapsing as he shook them until my answer sounded empty like his stomach. the third world tastes devastating. from the limbless man moaning against a wall to the silent women weaving textiles in the market, I heard only exhausted despair. like animals, they cry only for survival. let us eat, drink, rest. let us live. yet equipped with the generosity of my situation, i had my mouth full of labour and bags brimmed with sleepless nights and rough skin on sore hands. i had the 'wants' of a gluttony so fierce I terrified myself. yet there remains poverty, silently suffering, violently struggling, pleading like those dark brown eyes. lo siento, mi amore. less is not more.
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