Swallow.

Here it come, that heavy love

When we're feeling adrift
Isn't it so funny we seek
A message in the bottle
That pleads S.O.S
With no expectation of a cure
That instead, all we ever wanted to know
Was that someone else felt the same

I know what you mean
You know what I mean
but two fists don't fit within a chest
so give up darling, let it go
We've only ever been the side effects
Of life's happiness.

little kite

remember when they found you crying with a string tied around your neck
and they didn't understand, cut the string and placed you in a white room and robe
when all you wanted was to fly like a kite in the wind that wouldn't carry you
remember how you couldn't find a hand so you tied yourself to a tree
and how that branch felt strong like you wish you could be
so you ran and ran and ran and leaped one leg before another
felt the wind rush into your face, air into your lungs
never knowing that even suspended in air, everything still touched you
made you realise your heart was in fact, vast not vacant
and the world contained no waiting rooms.  

Twister.

Mouths of broken tongue
collapsed beneath
a bowl poured full of saliva
that tasted the birth
of an anticipation and numbing
said taste my taste buds
cause they’ve been running
under the stream of soft yoghurt
and waves of French
said I know you want me
and Cheshire smiled
moist glint in your eye
flashed, flashed, purred
of struggled inhale
warmth against walls
leaned upon arrows
of tough tug-o-war
and smelt the near flesh
panting, bursting
a volcanic rush
and those lava envelopes
gulped and swallowed
a mouth of running nectar
said taste my
sticky breath, sticky breath
with glue between your teeth
stuck me to you
a handlebar of sugar cocktails
a cavity of delight
a fight of pillow tongue

please be alive

i keep asking strangers "what are you most scared of?" and i've heard (monsters, heights, spiders, clusters of holes, pedophiles, being attacked by a shark, death of parents, storms, enclosed spaces, God, guns, betrayal, love) the end/death, but my loves, none of that scares us. death isn't terrifying, not living is.  

the worst thing

I want to sleep naked, feel bare.

the worse thing I've ever done was when I was on the bus with my friend sitting in front of me, and she had a little bear plush, and I wanted it, so when she tossed it up, I caught it and hid it with me. but it smelt of her and my guilt, so on my walk home I threw it away. that reminds me of today when in the city of San Cristobal, a child tugged at my bag strap and shook necklaces hung from his arm. he spoke Spanish. i didn't, but we didn't need a language. beads clattered like bones collapsing as he shook them until my answer sounded empty like his stomach. the third world tastes devastating. from the limbless man moaning against a wall to the silent women weaving textiles in the market, I heard only exhausted despair. like animals, they cry only for survival. let us eat, drink, rest. let us live. yet equipped with the generosity of my situation, i had my mouth full of labour and bags brimmed with sleepless nights and rough skin on sore hands. i had the 'wants' of a gluttony so fierce I terrified myself. yet there remains poverty, silently suffering, violently struggling, pleading like those dark brown eyes. lo siento, mi amore. less is not more.

from outer space

Listening to this song again and it sounds like it's been singing the words all wrong. (How) The facts are there. The fact is that when people tell you to count, you assume one and one is two, the fact is when you're tired, you  need rest. The fact is distance is an ocean, distance is not a space your feet can comprehend. Distance is being alone. So it seems silly that for a moment you tasted like a birthday party. Silly that for a moment I thought I had found a way to rest within another pair of rib cages. That for a moment I thought one and one could feel like one. And like a drunken person singing terribly gaily (with emphasis on the 'terribly'), I sunk in and out of the wine that was you. 

i'm sorry i ever walked close because distance knows me more than closeness does

what is this?
what would you call it? 

an "ascension"
but even then we couldn't define what 'more' would be, and we would never have slammed the brakes though we saw the signs, and the traffic lights flashed red like hearts under attack. and your sour aftertaste was the taste of grapes that hadn't ripened, and i wanted your flesh to be sweet even if not for my own mouth. 

so i'm sorry (for the audacity)
i never meant any of the year that has passed us by
of text messages left waiting, and stories i couldn't find an ear for
of a together i couldn't be there for
what comes next i do not know but you can't bend my reality
i've got a fire in me that can't afford the price tag of waiting
and what we wished couldn't be conceived
so burn through and create what you now can
because i didn't grant you that chance,
you did

P.S

(mermaids never kick, because mermaids know how to swim)