moving

we have been allotted  inconsistency, hesitation, doubt, pain, superstition, worries about what will happen (even after we are dead), ambition, greed, jealousy, envy, unruly, insane and untameable appetites, war, lies, disloyalty, backbiting and curiosity. We take pride in our fair, discursive reason and our capacity to judge and to know, but we have bought them at a price which is strangely excessive. (Montaigne)

lately is moving day into an elevator full of jolts and quivers.

i'm learning how valuable it is to be open as i feel myself close more and more each day. i know, it's not a fucking seesaw but i'm trying okay. i feel myself becoming excessively repetitive - they most likely won't surprise what you expect, they most likely will be disappointing. but people need chances. they need to be lifted out of their moulds for us to make out their melted selves. this sticky hope is what's been on my mind. because at the end of your day, being unforgiving is harsh only on your own throat and closing the door is just spending too many days in the company of only yourself. in an unreal reality of mine, this would be wonderful. but we're built for connection. we've got brains that lust and long, we've got bodies shivering with touch.

at some point you've just got to start making changes and applying yourself like a variable. perhaps laugh at the stupid rules we've fashioned to make social interactions difficult and play along. you never know what you'll find.